Wendy Martinez. Photo courtesy of Barbi Barnum, Studio B Photography

“I’m going to donate a kidney to Abe.”

With that simple statement, my husband told me he was going to donate a kidney to one of our colleagues who I will call Abe for the purposes of this story. Since April is National Donate Life Month, I thought it appropriate to share my journey in the hope it might inspire others.

So, how did this journey start? In 2004, my husband and I were both working for the US Navy and as adjuncts at a local university teaching night classes in statistics and mathematics. Abe was the head of the computer science department at the time, and we came to know him well. From conversations with Abe, my husband learned Abe wanted to work on his PhD but was dealing with many challenges. His family included older children and a newborn. He had a long commute to the university, where he was teaching a full load of four classes per quarter and had extra duties as department head. The most critical issue was his health. Abe had end-stage renal disease (ESRD).

Abe immigrated to the United States with the hope of being a donor for his older brother, who had ESRD. Abe was not able to be a donor because of the risk he would also experience ESRD. It appears many from Abe’s country of origin suffer from ESRD, according to “Causes of End-Stage Renal Disease in Sudan: A Single-Center Experience,” an article by Mohamed Elhafiz Elsharif and Elham Gariballa Elsharif published in the Saudi Journal of Kidney Diseases and Transplantation.

What made my husband even think of being a donor? After all, Abe is not a blood relative. In retrospect, it is amazing, but this important decision was inspired by a story on National Public Radio about someone donating a kidney to a non-relative. My husband decided to leave a note for Abe asking if he would be willing to accept a kidney from him, since my husband is a Christian and Abe is Muslim. Abe said yes, and the donation process was started.

Doctors are careful to ensure the donor is healthy to mitigate the potential for harm to the donor. Extensive tests were performed on my husband, including counseling. They also need to ensure there are no dangers to the recipient, such as diseases carried by the donor that could be passed on. As our donation story illustrates, the donor and recipient do not have to be related. It is the match between the donor and the recipient antigens that improves the success of the transplant. Blood tests are used to determine blood type and human leukocyte antigens (HLA), which drive the body’s immune response. They also mix a small amount of blood between the two parties to see if the recipient will form antibodies.

Once the two parties have been cleared medically and the tests have confirmed a match, the surgery can proceed. In most cases, the surgeons are able to use laparoscopic surgery to extract the kidney. This is a minimally invasive approach in which several small incisions are made. Devices are inserted into the incisions that have video cameras and surgical tools. This type of surgery reduces the recovery time for the kidney donor.

All went well with the surgery, and the transplant was successful. Abe had several years during which he did not have to undergo dialysis, and he had a much improved quality of life. We also became close to Abe and his family, and we enjoyed getting to know them and their extended family. Sadly, the success was short lived and, after about four years, we got some distressing news: The kidney transplant was failing. They eventually had to remove my husband’s kidney from Abe, and Abe was back on dialysis.

I soon found myself going through a strange grieving process over the ‘death’ of the kidney. I suppose it was because a piece of my husband had passed away.

There came a point where I had committed to a healthy lifestyle and felt I was in the right place to donate a kidney to Abe. He was a bit reluctant, but I told him I was ready to be a donor and would like him to be the recipient. My surgery was not done laparoscopically because the surgeon thought that technique put too much stress on the kidneys. Six years later, I am happy to write that Abe continues to do well.

What I find interesting about my journey is the many aspects I encountered along the way—a loved one donating, transplant failure, and donation itself. There are also the differences between Abe and me—gender, religion, race, and culture. Organ donation can cross all these boundaries and more.

There are other ways to be a living donor. The other common organ for a living-donor procedure is the liver. In this type of donation, part of the donor’s liver is transplanted to the recipient. Eventually, the size of both sections grow to normal size. There are also bone marrow (or stem cell) transplants, which are sometimes used to treat leukemia, multiple myeloma, and some lymphomas.

I encourage you to think about organ donation—whether it is through the living donation process or by registering as an organ donor. The process of living organ donation was so satisfying that I would consider other living-donor procedures. However, I’ll have to skip donating my other kidney right now because I’m going to need it for a while longer!