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Imposter to Expert: One Woman’s Journey to Statistician

1 September 2021 1,506 views 3 Comments

Deliverance Bougie is the senior statistician for the State of Indiana Department of Local Government Finance. She is also a graduate student at the University of Mannheim, working on her master’s in measurement and data science.

I will never forget when I looked out the window of my new office on the 10th floor that had my name on the door: Deliverance Bougie, Sr. Statistician. I knew I was an imposter. I knew my boss hired the wrong person and would realize his mistake any day. In fact, he probably already knew. In his office, he was shaking his head at this colossal mistake and waiting for my first blunder so he could dismiss me and hire the person he had intended to hire.

My journey into the field of statistics was unconventional. The highest level of math my high-school offered was Algebra II. I never received encouragement to further my education. In fact, I was told all the interests I had growing up—astronaut, accountant, veterinarian—would require too much education and hard work. The message I received was it was not even worth trying. As a result, I earned a BA in theology. Little did I know a fire would be lit in my soul nine years later to change my situation through further education.

The decision to go back to school was made out of desperation. Having worked in a variety of social services settings, I was good at what I did, but years of being used and abused had burned me out. Underpaid. Overworked. Unappreciated. People’s lives were in my hands, and the recognition I received were a nearly minimum wage paycheck and an outline of a hand drawn on paper for a “pat on the back.”

Something in me started to burn as I was working a midnight shift at a group home. The TV show House came on, and I watched as people flocked to Dr. House—the expert in his field. The ache to be an expert in something grew intense, but what expertise could I possibly achieve?

While searching through college programs to see what interested me, I remembered one of my favorite high-school classes was accounting. I came across something a little different: statistics. I did not know much about statistics, but I had once wanted to be an accountant. Surely the two were similar … right?

My search led me to a program that would allow me to earn a professional certificate in applied statistics in one year. Perfect! The country was in the middle of a recession, and I was living with my parents, paying off debt I had incurred from an international move, and working low-paying jobs. I did not have money and whatever I did would need a good return on investment as soon as possible, and I would need loans.

I began to work on the math prerequisites I would need at a community college. I had never even had geometry, so I had a lot of gaps to fill. I excelled in all these classes and loved STAT 101. During this time, I learned I could not count on student loans for the professional certificate, so I had to change plans and go for the degree. I was now ready to start the statistics program full of confidence and anticipation.

Struggling in School

I was not prepared for my first experience when I transitioned to the graduate program in Chicago. I had no guidance on where to start, so I registered for the classes available that semester: biostatistics and linear regression.

Regression started with the professor writing the simple linear regression formula on the whiteboard and saying, “You know this.” I nearly fell out of my chair. In my head, I screamed, “I took three years of Greek and I know what beta is, but what does beta mean?!” Then, he proceeded with a bunch of gibberish about something I later understood were matrices. In time, I learned I really should have taken linear algebra, although it was not a prerequisite. Meetings during office hours were demoralizing, as the professor said things like, “You should know this. I told you this.”

I poured my heart into my studies, desperate for this plan to work. Homework assignments that took my classmates five hours would take me 20. I traveled three hours each way by car, train, foot, and shuttle to my classes, spending 60–80 hours a week on my efforts toward a degree. But my struggle was not enough.

After earning 22 credits (and debt I am still paying off) toward a master’s degree in applied statistics, I was kicked out of the program with a GPA of 2.637. I was in utter despair. It was not that I wasn’t learning the subjects. I faithfully showed up for peer tutoring twice weekly, and I was even helping my classmates with their homework. I was baffled by my low grades on exams and quizzes. Eventually, I learned about test anxiety, and I was a textbook case. I felt intense pressure to perform well because failure meant plunging into deeper debt that would be impossible to pay.

Thinking I was not cut out for a scientific field, I began to internalize feelings of failure and doubt. But I knew I could do this! This apparent failure did not reflect who I was and what I learned. The doubt I felt from others fed self-doubt. I had worked harder than anyone else in my classes. The fire in me had dimmed to a low flame, but it was still flickering.

I knew I could not stop because I had gotten into debt I could not pay off with minimum-wage jobs and I needed to see this through. I earned a graduate certificate in applied statistics through an online program in two terms with a GPA of 3.75. It was then I realized the traditional classroom setting is not where I excel. I applied to their degree program but was not accepted. The little flame had grown, but I did not have the confidence to apply for any other programs.

Back to the Same Old

I continued to work multiple part-time jobs with social service agencies, unable to find anything else. I was either overqualified or underqualified. I landed yet another part-time job in a county office. Within weeks of this new job, I was put on the fast track to get all the certifications I would need to accept a full-time position once one became available. But it didn’t work out that way; when the person who hired me left, I was passively bullied by his replacement. I interviewed for a full-time position that soon became available, but it was given to someone I had been training.

I learned about an annual process in which data had to be submitted to the state oversight agency for approval. I figured there must be some statistics involved and I could assist, as I was the only one in the office who had formal education in statistics. My request was denied. I felt stifled. I was once again good at what I did, but not allowed to use my talents. The self-doubt continued to grow, and I felt like a failure. I was working three part-time jobs, carrying a lot of debt, and being passed over for a promotion. I was not respected enough by superiors to contribute my expertise to the team.

One of my coworkers told me of an open statistician position at the state oversight agency that reviewed our data. I told him I would not even be considered for the job because I don’t have a degree in statistics. He said, “Yes, you will! Just apply!”

I reluctantly applied and was called in for an interview. I did the interview solely to gain experience because I knew I would not be offered the job. Even if I was offered the job, I would not be able to take it because it would require relocation. To my shock, I was offered the position as senior statistician for the State of Indiana Department of Local Government Finance. My husband and I talked it over, crunched some numbers, and decided this was a way for me to get a couple of years of experience. I accepted the position. I really didn’t want my first job in a new career to be working as a sole statistician, but this was a way I could finally get a foot in the door.

Alone and Facing Opposition

I had no idea how utterly alone I would feel with no one to consult with or learn from. As I wrestled with the application of statistics to property assessment, I began to learn property assessment subject matter experts who were statisticians were not common. I also quickly learned there was some hostility toward the oversight agency, specifically toward the statistician.

I deal with opposition from stakeholders frequently. They (admittedly) do not understand statistics, but they want to argue about why my analysis is wrong. Or they might believe they understand the tests I run, but their interpretations are not correct. As a sole statistician, I also have had the challenge of coming to conclusions without validation from anyone else.

The opposition I have faced over the years includes being called unqualified by individuals who admit to not knowing anything about statistics, stakeholders threatening to go to the legislature to have me fired, elected officials rejecting my expertise while admitting to questionable practices, and male stakeholders refusing to address me.

It was and still is hard to not take this opposition personally. What helped me deal with opposition the most was gaining the trust of my colleagues and boss. Having their trust in me as an expert means I have their support any time I meet opposition. When I feel like an imposter, I have the trust of the people who matter.

Reaching Out

Since there were no other statisticians locally who could answer my questions, it became vitally important for me to reach out to industry experts—people from other states who work in a similar oversight position and people who work for the international association. Their answers to my questions validated that what I was doing was correct. Gradually, I learned that even though I am the only statistician in the office, I am not truly alone because there are others who are willing to help. This does wonders for combating imposter syndrome.

During my first year in this position, I sought ways to network and find the professional support I craved as a sole statistician. I am an introvert, but I have put myself in uncomfortable situations again and again to grow my network.

I asked my employer to send me to the Women in Statistics and Data Science Conference for professional development. While I was there, the imposter monster grew as I was casually asked whether I have a master’s or PhD and what I code in. The feeling of not belonging never felt stronger. However, that monster stoked the ember that had been flickering faintly, which quickly became a blazing fire. That was the encouragement I needed to finally earn my degree.

Achieving Success

The following month, I learned through an ASA group email that applications were being accepted for a global program in survey methodology and data science that was designed for working professionals with a background in statistics. I was accepted into the International Program in Survey and Data Science through the University of Mannheim and will soon be completing exams and writing my thesis! In a nonlinear fashion, I will finally have the master’s degree I set out to earn 11 years ago (with more than 50 graduate credits from three universities). In this fully online program, I have been able to excel in the academic setting that suites me best.

Hard work, perseverance, sticking to my guns, getting answers from the right people, believing what is objective and true, having the right people in my corner, putting myself in uncomfortable situations to allow myself to grow: This is how I combat imposter syndrome.

I cannot ignore the cheerleading from my husband. Even though he does not fully understand the intimate details of what I do, he recognizes the value I bring to my team. When I feel like an imposter, he points out the ways my team has benefited by my expertise—whether it is drafting responses for legislators so they understand our analysis, explaining a statistical concept to teammates, or implementing new technology that makes our process more efficient.

So now, as I look out the window of my 10th floor office with my name on the door, I know I am not an imposter. I overcame adversity. I conquered learning challenges and am succeeding in my studies. I lead the industry in my state and educate elected officials on statistical practices. I know I am an expert in my field.

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3 Comments »

  • Jeffrey Rabin said:

    I’m so glad you shared your story Deliverance. Do not diminish your life “back when” in your social service days (the value of which should not be measured by the size of your pay check). You made a difference then also. But this success is amazing and I am sharing your article with my nieces. I greatly admire your drive to find the right path for yourself and not just getting comfortable and simply letting life’s river just carry you in an unsatisfying direction. Jeff

  • David Schwab said:

    Thank you for sharing this. I always felt like an imposter as well: it’s a very unique role, in that (like you said), your main stakeholders are much better versed in property assessment than statistics; and really, that’s as it should me. I struggled through the years to learn as much as I could about assessment–it is a fascinating field, especially for a former economist–but there’s really no substitute for work experience, and I had no way to get that.

    Like you, my coworkers were a fantastic help in dealing with my imposter feelings. My supervisor always backed me up, as did the various Commissioners–even when, as you said, the opposition was the State legislature. That’s tough to do. And the Assessor-Auditors I worked with–the ones in the field, working with the various counties–were always on my side. I know that having the assessment stakeholders see that people they considered experts had confidence in me is likely the only reason I ever achieved some degree of acceptance.

    Best of luck on finishing your Masters!

    David

  • Katie H. Murphy said:

    What an inspiring article, it must be the American heartland work ethic that made you so determined and tenacious to succeed. I won’t even begin to pretend that I know what your work entails. It’s your drive that impresses me more than anything. Congratulations on your achievements!